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Friday, July 29, 2011

[squashed]



i hope i never give the impression that we have the perfect life/family/home/etc.
   i don't ever mean to.  because we don't.  no one does.  sometimes with blogging, it's easy to find all the things/qualities we don't have and get bogged [or should i say blogged] down :)

last night was a good cold reminder that we don't always get what we want.  it feels like i explain this to my children daily, but when it comes to me and something i want, it kinda sucks!

have you ever had to do something that you thought you were strong enough for?
have you ever started out tough and weakened in the moment?
well, that was me yesterday.
we were hit up by some friends to go to san francisco with them in a couple of weeks.  an adult trip.  i was totally on board, getting so excited, and once sam got home and we really thought and talked about it, we knew we shouldn't.
it wouldn't cost a lot of money, but it's money that we don't have to spend on that right now.
so i took it upon myself to be strong and proactive and call them asap so they could get on with their plans and not lead them on any second longer.
so i picked up the phone, dialed, waited...
he answered.
i started talking, feeling confident and brave.
my voice started to shake a little and i tried so hard to keep it together.
i would not cry i kept telling myself, over and over.
tears started streaming down my face and i kept thinking, this is so stupid!  it's not that big of a deal!
it didn't surprise me a whole lot, i can seriously start crying over the dumbest stuff.
thankfully, i didn't sob.  the conversation went relatively quickly and it was over before i broke down completely.

sam was in the other room and i would not have him see me sad.  he asked if i was okay and i quickly answered yep in a clear upbeat voice;  but i really wanted to curl up in the fetal position and just cry my little heart out.  dang it, tears are even forming as i'm typing this!  what's my problem?
but no, i would not be a spoiled little brat and dwell on the fact that we couldn't/shouldn't go. 
so i went outside, sat on the porch, hugged my kids and realized how much i do have, 
and that there will always be san francisco. 
picture via


i hesitated writing and posting this, but it's life and i think people like and appreciate real.
p.s. thank you brandi & gayle for these beautiful zucchinis and yellow squash!  can't wait to eat 'em up!

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