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Sunday, January 1, 2012

on to a new year

hello.  i have no pictures for you today.  i have no inspiring thoughts or motivating words.  today has been a downer for me.  usually i am enthusiastic about the start of a new year.  i don't remember feeling like the way i do right now on January 1st.  i'm feeling so depressed.  my second mom from childhood passed away this weekend.  cry i think i'm numb.  i'm all cried out.  aHhhh!?@*  so sad, so hard, but so happy i know i'll see her again.  between that and post holiday blues, i'm just feeling so crappy!

normally i am always one to set new year's resolutions.  generally i feel hopeful and brave, ready to conquer new goals, aspirations, whatever you want to call them.

[side note: i'm ornery, emotional & possibly hormonal-there's nothing bright about this post]

this year i think every resolution i've ever made in the history of my life has caught up to me and decided to punch me right in the gut.  i'm feeling extremely overwhelmed with all that i'd like for myself and my family this next year.  i picture perfection when i think about how i'd like to be in 2012- that's what i'm envisioning, reaching so far for.  logically i know it's impossible.  i know i'm being stupid about this.  i know that i will never be perfect and that no one is.

seriously, what is realistic?  for me?

i think i better go to bed now before i go too far and sound even more ridiculous + i've got to get up and exercise so one day i can have the perfect body (when i close my eyes real tight i can see it skipping around gleefully in a white little cloud over my head)

wow.  i'm tired and not funny.  tomorrow's a new day.
good night.

lol.  sam's saying, "go smack yourself around a little if you have to--you're being ridiculous!"