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Sunday, January 1, 2012

on to a new year

hello.  i have no pictures for you today.  i have no inspiring thoughts or motivating words.  today has been a downer for me.  usually i am enthusiastic about the start of a new year.  i don't remember feeling like the way i do right now on January 1st.  i'm feeling so depressed.  my second mom from childhood passed away this weekend.  cry i think i'm numb.  i'm all cried out.  aHhhh!?@*  so sad, so hard, but so happy i know i'll see her again.  between that and post holiday blues, i'm just feeling so crappy!

normally i am always one to set new year's resolutions.  generally i feel hopeful and brave, ready to conquer new goals, aspirations, whatever you want to call them.

[side note: i'm ornery, emotional & possibly hormonal-there's nothing bright about this post]

this year i think every resolution i've ever made in the history of my life has caught up to me and decided to punch me right in the gut.  i'm feeling extremely overwhelmed with all that i'd like for myself and my family this next year.  i picture perfection when i think about how i'd like to be in 2012- that's what i'm envisioning, reaching so far for.  logically i know it's impossible.  i know i'm being stupid about this.  i know that i will never be perfect and that no one is.

seriously, what is realistic?  for me?

i think i better go to bed now before i go too far and sound even more ridiculous + i've got to get up and exercise so one day i can have the perfect body (when i close my eyes real tight i can see it skipping around gleefully in a white little cloud over my head)

wow.  i'm tired and not funny.  tomorrow's a new day.
good night.

lol.  sam's saying, "go smack yourself around a little if you have to--you're being ridiculous!"


  1. praying for you...if you'll pray for me, too! i can RELATE!!! girl's got the blues over here too! my grandmother isn't in good health at all...crazytown with the kids...hormones are flying and emotions are up one day and down the next. we WILL get through this!

  2. So sorry you are struggling :(
    I hope today looks a little brighter.
    VERY sorry for your loss.

  3. thank you so much for your your sweet comments! thank you for your prayers! i'm feeling a lot better!

  4. We're so sorry for the loss of your mom #2. give yourself a break...we all need to grieve. prayers with you. :>

  5. Oh my heavens, I looooooove you!!! I really love it when you blog like this!! Not because you are sad or mad, but because you are just so real and you know what, it's good.

    I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet second mother.... I know you have been dreading this coming for some time. Death just brings everything to the forefront and makes us think about a LOT! I'm sorry...

    You are so amazing and I know I tell you that a lot, so I hope it doesn't get old, but you are just are and I am so eternally grateful for you in my life - my sweet Mil!